Authenticity
There's this guy at my school who can be kind of obnoxious. He will readily admit this himself. People make fun of him sometimes. He's freaked out and disgusted a few people. I admire him though. There's a lot of authenticity to him. He seems to say what's on his mind. He seems to not care about social stigmas whatsoever. He says lots of things that offend people, but I think he says them because that's what he's thinking and not because that's what will shock. He has an ugly side to him (who doesn't?), but he doesn't seem to try to hide it.
The idea of authenticity is important to me. Except a lot of times I have to take my approach in the opposite direction. I have to hide things so I'm absolutely sure it's coming from a sincere place in myself. I get too much satisfaction from people's praise and too much discouragement from their criticism.
The feeling of inauthenticity[sic] has began to creep up into this blog. I made it known to a wide range of people because my past blog was only available to a couple of people and thus I was never motivated to update it.
As the writer from Tarkovsky's Stalker says, "A man writes because he is tormented, because he doubts. He needs to constantly prove to himself and the others that he's worth something. And if I know for sure that I'm a genius? Why write then? What the hell for?"
I have a conflicting desire to write and hide at the same time.
I have thoughts that I feel like would cause people disgust, beliefs that would cause ostricization. The very fact that I'm afraid to share these things shows I've failed in being authentic with those people I'm afraid to share with. It'd be impossible for me to be totally authentic on this blog; hell, humans can't even be truthful with themselves. I will however promise to make an effort towards that ideal state as often as I can. I'm going to try and show some of my ugly side. Maybe it'll be helpful to someone who reads it or maybe somebody who reads it can be helpful to me. I'm willing to give it a shot.
Linkage
Some interesting stuff I've found from surfing the Internet this week.
Link 1 : Banksy, a famous vandal in Britain who blurs the line between vandalism and art (courtesy of my roommate)
Link 2: Great post by internetmonk concerning lent. I think there's a lot of great things that evangelicals can take from Orthodoxy and Catholic traditions. The Christian calander is a great example, but it needs to be viewed in the light of the new testament. Sacraments and traditions don't provide salvation and aren't necessary, but they are still beneficial. Taking part in this aspect of Christian tradition doesn't make you a better person than those who choose not to.
Link 3: In depth discussion of Jungian types. Specifically the differences between INFP and INFJ. I know some of you might think this stuff is all hogwash, but I've found it as a helpful tool for self-evaluation. I've come to see some of my seemingly negative tendencies as a part of my self identity rather than as personal issues that I need to completely overcome (such as not being more extroverted). It's a tool for self discovery, rather than a way to pigeon hole yourself.
Link 4: Good paper on why it's a good idea to be cautious when using Jungian types for self-evaluation and why you shouldn't let personality tests pigeonhole you 
.
Link 5: Criterion is putting part of their film library online. Each month a few selected films will be available to watch for free. Signup is free, but mandatory. Definitely check it out if you're into arthouse and foreign films.
Link 6: This is scary. It kind of makes you question your entire reality. What has been there that I've just plain refused to see?
On Facebook and Social Networking in General
Over winter break I deleted my facebook. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. There's been a lot of articles lately about social networking and the affects it has on society and the individual. For the most part these aren't very positive changes.
I'm an introverted sort of guy. The internet has become sort of a crutch for me. It provides a back door for expressing myself. Before World of Warcraft became extremely popular, there was a game called Star Wars Galaxies. For about 2 years I played this game. I spent hours everyday interacting with people half-way across the world who I'd never met in real life. Thankfully I got more involved in Band and the film program at my school and made some really good friends. I hung out with them. We had poker nights on fridays. I'd go over play a game of poker or watch one. Then we'd pop in a movie and talk throughout it. I usually didn't get home until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.
I've felt a lot more social anxiety here at school. It's tough for me to get close to people. I made some good friends here, but a lot of people I just talked to on facebook. It's not really a healthy way to form a relationship at all. Most of our communication is nonverbal. If I'm talking to someone through a computer, there's a significant loss of communication going on.
The idea that extensive use of the internet for social interactions can actually rewire our brains is a little disturbing to me. I'm trying to get myself more away from that. Yes I have a blog here online, but that's more akin to writing an editorial column for a newspaper. What you see on here is something that is filtered and meant to inspire thought in my readers rather than convey my innermost thoughts (that's why I have a personal journal).