I'm in a weird position right now. There's been some family drama going on. I feel like I'm in a sitcom. Week after week the family plods along doing the same ol' thing.

"Look at Billy, he's such a troublemaker, but we love him anyway!"

"Oh, isn't Sally the cutest little button of a girl you ever did see?"

Everything is stable, but stable isn't exciting and it doesn't bring in ratings.

So the producers get together in a meeting and discuss what they can do to get more viewers.

"Let's have the Fonz jump the Shark!"

"Hey, let's give little Sally Leukemia!"

"Let's make Billy a drug addict! He was just really good at hiding it from the family till now!"

Now all of a sudden I'm smack dab in the middle of all kinds of drama. People are confused, feelings are hurt, and I don't really know what to think of it. The funny thing is that when you get a bunch of people together and throw in some conflict, it's pretty much impossible to view anything objectively.

Everyone has a good reason for what they're doing. You can't take what people say at face value. This isn't necessarily because they're being purposefully deceitful. It's because most people don't understand why they do things. We cannot understand what's propelling us, so we give ourselves an answer.

I've talked to a number of people involved and I can see things from their perspective as it's been conveyed to me. I feel like there's so much underneath the surface that I just can't see and probably shouldn't see.

All I can do is stick around and lend an ear and perhaps a little bit of guidance. It's not a large part, but then again when it comes to acting in a sitcom there are no small parts either.

It's so hard to separate your quick snap judgments of people from reality. So many times I'm interacting with a caricature and not the real person. It makes things easier when you do that, because you don't have to invest the mental energy to truly evaluate them and try to see them realistically.

This last weekend I kind of experienced a reevaluation of a person. He had a reputation as being someone of loose morals who wasn't afraid to take advantage of people. But I got to sit down with him and got my eyes opened a little bit. Certainly he has his fair share of worldly vices, but at the same time he has principles that he sticks to; specifically loyalty and integrity. I came away from that weekend with a completely different outlook on him. I still feel a little wary around him, since I'm just a distrustful person, but I definitely have more respect and a greater understanding of him.

I've met other people who I thought were kind and compassionate, which they were, but they were also frightened and self-interested. People are paradoxes. We don't fit into neat little boxes. We don't even understand ourselves. We tell ourselves we do something for one reason, when really we do it for a completely different reason. I think that's why self-reflection is such a hard process. It's like looking into a set of parallel mirrors, there's just an infinite amount depth. You can get lost pretty easily.

I guess you just have to keep looking, until you start to really understand.

I live in my head too much.

Over the break I was at a friend's apartment. I had an ok time, but at one point in the evening I realized that I really didn't enjoy being with those people. We weren't interested in the same things in life. They had different priorities and being around them just left me feeling empty.

It's much the same feeling I get when I waste an afternoon surfing the internet or watching television. Time is precious, so why would I waste it doing something ethereal and pointless. I have all these things that I would like to do but I don't because I find it easier to sit my butt on a couch and not do anything at all. How much would I get accomplished if I cut those things out of my life?

There's a movement of living called minimalism. In this movement people attempt to cut down to the important things in life. This is different from asceticism in that it doesn't require descending into poverty. Rather it focuses on utility and quality. A person living a minimalistic lifestyle will not purchase a bunch of different objects or tools that can do the same job. Rather they choose one tool that can be used to do a job effectively. There's little room for nostalgia or hoarding things. If it doesn't serve a purpose right now, whether practically or easthetically, then it goes out the door. Additionally they will cut out activities and pursuits that are not of prime importance to them.

A minimalist would not try to own all at once an expensive home theater system, apartment, sports car, motorcycle, lake house, personal garden, and every gaming system known to man. It would be far too much to enjoy. Rather the minimalist will pick those things that are most important. If the man is not interested in maintaining a yard or spending a lot of time inside, he won't buy a large house. It'd be a waste of time. It'd be more practical to rent out an apartment in the city or purchase a condo. The minimalist owns his things, his things do not own him. I think that is something worthwhile to pursue.

So far I've cut out a lot of my video game playing and television/movie watching. I haven't bought a game or a movie in a while. I enjoy films, but I don't ever feel like watching a film more than a few times anymore (with a few specific exceptions). Now I focus on doing more activities that I find much more rewarding, like writing or spending time with special people. Over the past year or so I've slowly been heading my life towards this lifestyle without actively seeking it. Now I'm being a little more proactive, but still have a ways to go.

Here are some examples of minimalistic design in a house.

She was outside with him.

The sky was beautiful. It was the type of sky that only comes around every once in a while. When I think of it, I imagine a splash of purples and oranges. The clouds would be illuminated in such a way that the shadows would fully define their fluffy, irregular shape.

She saw that the sky was beautiful and wanted to keep it, put it in her pocket.

She exclaimed, "The Sky is so beautiful! Take a picture of it!"

He looked at her quizzically. "Whatever for?"

"So you can keep it and look at it later."

He shook his head, "No, I'm going to enjoy it right now. Taking a picture would only ruin it. When it's gone, it's gone."

She gave him a weird look, not understanding what he meant. He said a lot of strange things that she didn't understand.

Only later when he'd left, would she understand.

I've written on Authenticity before.

I feel that the church is missing that a lot of times. This isn't a pointing of fingers either, I'm part of the problem as well. There's something about Church and being around other religious people that makes me afraid to open up. It's as if my salvation depends on the validation of the people around me rather than on God.

My Dad was talking to me recently about how he had visited one of the older people's Sunday morning classes. I guess he was expecting little drops of wisdom from them. His thinking was that they'd lived life longer, had more experience, so they must be wiser. Unfortunately, all he heard throughout the whole class was canned responses. There may have been correct doctrine, but it was separated from feeling and experience.

Many of my friends from high school don't come from religious families or have separated themselves from their parent's religious beliefs. A portion of these friends are transgendered or homosexuals. This has been a challenge to me. It's been challenging because these lifestyles are condemned in scripture. When you put a face upon homosexuality or trans-sexuality it's harder to view it as sinful. Much of this has to do with our skewed vision of  what exactly sin is and what sinful people are like.

It's also hard because of the way many Christians talk about transgendered and homosexual people. They speak of them with contempt and derision. They talk about them as if they were an enemy that we must irradicate or as if they were monsters who we must fear and protect our children from. I've heard Christians make jokes about gays going to hell and I even heard a girl laughingly blame Katrina on the homosexuals living in New Orleans. They don't even think about how terrible Christians are at following their own sexual ideals (e.g. There's an 11% increase in porn consumption in states that have passed anti-gay legislation).

I have a great amount of respect for the homosexuals and transsexuals I know. They are open and honest. They are more likely to stand up for what they believe in the face of opposition. Maybe this is just coming from my disenchanted viewpoint, but I feel that many of them are even more compassionate. Why is that I'm more likely to receive a hug from a lesbian who I've only met a few times than from someone else who I've known at church for years. Why does there seem to be a wall in one place that does not seem to exist elsewhere? Is the problem mine?

I think there's some stuff we could learn from them about authenticity.

Any small amount will help or at least pass this along to someone who can donate something. Also prayer helps.

Also if you're interested in film projects you should check out this site. It's a film student who did a documentary on the great Soviet filmmaker Andrei Tarkovsky (who is now deceased). He interviewed friends, family, actors and collaberators in an attempt to come to a better understanding of the man and his philosphies.

Please don't view any of this as a guilt trip. If you feel compelled to give to either of these projects though, it would be greatly appreciated.

This past weekend has been awesome. My cousin and his family came down for my sister's graduation and stayed down here for the weekend. We've been in drain pipes, under bridges, everywhere I can think of in Dallas. I'll be posting pics up later. Here's some stuff to whet your appetite.

I just finished Lauren F. Winner's book, Muddhouse Sabbath. Winner is a Christian who converted from Orthodox Judiasm, so her books always have a unique perspective on living out the Christian life. This book on spiritual disciplines takes a look at both Jewish and Christian traditions and how lessons from them can be applied to a person's personal spiritual life.

As someone who's really bad at praying, fasting, tithing, and generally everything else, I could use a little more of this in my daily life. This book makes helpful suggestions and does a good job of motivating and encouraging the reader to take on spiritual disciplines as a way of enhancing one's life (not as a means of salvation). It's a short read and a good one. You don't have an excuse not to check it out.