Landan Land The Personal Blog of Landan Crosslin

Confession

"We love those who know the worst of us and don't turn their faces away."

- Walker Percy

I'm currently reading Augustine's Confessions (link). It's basically a book where Augustine describes his life of sin before he became committed to God and the way that he was saved from sin by God's grace.

In the forward of my Oxford Press copy it talks about how the work was intended as a way to shut up a lot of those who were critical of him in the Church. He put his whole life and all his shortcomings out there for all to see.

In the college class on Sunday at church we wrote down on note cards the sins that we struggle with , the places where we find ourselves struggling the most, the people we find cause us to struggle the most, etc. I was sitting fairly closely to the guy next to me. I wrote down single word descriptions that might not mean much to a wayward glance but still conveyed a lot of meaning to myself. I angled the card on my leg so that it was facing away from the guy sitting next to me. I really didn't want him to see anything.

Maybe there's something to all those churches that have people go confess to their priests (though there's definitely problems in that model as well).

I remember one evening on Trek. We had made it to our base camp and were going to camp there for 2-3 days. One of the nights there our guide had all the guys sit down in a circle and told us to confess our sins to each other and then pray for the person who confessed after us. I remember being a little shocked at his request. That's not something you do in Sunday school; that kind of thing makes people uncomfortable. Nonetheless we all sat down in a circle and confessed sins and prayed for each other.

I got prayed for by my good friend Zane. I don't see him that often anymore. I saw him recently while waiting in line for communion at my church at home. We hugged each other. Even though distance and time has diminished our relationship, I'd still do anything for him. I don't remember his prayer well, but I remember he prayed for me.

The man I prayed for was named Mark. I don't keep in touch with him at all really. He's an older guy and we don't really have much in common. However, every time I see him I make sure to take the time to go talk to him and tell him how I'm doing. It may be just me, but I feel spiritually connected to him because of that prayer I said for him. I remember him being sincerely grateful for my prayer for him.

There's something wonderful about opening up yourself to someone, overcoming a psychological wall of fear, and realizing that you're in the good hands of a friend who understands your brokenness and desires for you to live up to your potential. That last part is crucial. I have some friends who don't share the same values I do, who when learning about some area of darkness could care less. They're indifferent to my sin. The relationship, though still valued, is on a shallower plain.

This kind of relates to my post earlier in the year on authenticity. When I refuse to become vulnerable to those I claim to love, I'm displaying a complete lack of love and respect. Basically, I'm stating that I don't trust that person enough to show who I honestly am. I don't want to be that way. I want to be a man of integrity.