Landan Land The Personal Blog of Landan Crosslin

Loneliness

EDIT: I feel a lot better now. I called up some friends and checked up on them. This feeling like all things passes in time and can be waylaid by showing a little initiative.

I feel lonely.

My roommate is laying down on the lower bunk beneath mine. He's on his computer reading. We stopped connecting a long time ago. We're just too different. An invisible Berlin Wall runs through the middle of our room, keeping us from speaking to each other. I want to paint graffiti on it and write nasty things.

I feel abandoned.

The medicinal laughter and knowing looks of a good friend are replaced with silence and the glow of a computer screen. It's always the same story. I let someone dig their hooks into me. Then a girl, work, or some new opportunity comes along and pulls them away, ripping fresh wounds into my skin. I stand there bleeding while they disappear off into the horizon.

I want to start over.

It's hard to start over in the same place. Everything is a reminder of the past. When I'm in a familiar place, I can see the ghostly images of the past overlaying the present. People that are no longer here running around campus in transient forms.

There's a party outside.

I can hear laughter and music. Why am I such a wet blanket? Why does it seem to be inherent to my nature? I wish I was not so negative.

I need a hug.