Landan Land The Personal Blog of Landan Crosslin

*Sigh*

I've come to a crossroads again. I have something I feel I must do, but I'm afraid to do it. I've done it a million different times in my head in a million different ways. In my head when I do this thing I am cool and composed, but I've felt this way before and those two words never describes what happens.

It's weird how I can trick myself into feeling like I have no fear. I am cool as ice right until I'm in the situation, when there's no going back and I stumble through the thing like a buffoon. I wish my mouth could form the words that my brain makes. I feel more intelligent in my head than I feel when I speak. I'm sure that's how most people feel. I bet most everyone is more intelligent than they appear, excluding the arrogent people who appear more intelligent than they really are.

I don't want to end up telling myself I'm going to do something and then not do it. I need to break away from my habit of passivity, from this feeling that I'm always a sideline spectator. If I told a friend what I need to do, then they could hold me accountable. That's something else I need to do, start confiding in friends more often.

That post about the rips in life is applicable to this situation right here. Two years ago I was blind to all the faults in my character that I'm just now beginning to see. Life is a riot isn't it?