Sitcoms
Life is really strange. Sometimes you think you understand it, that you've finally got the hang of things and it just throws you a curve ball. I've gotten a lot of those just in the past few years. The same goes for a lot of other people I know.
I'm in a weird position right now. There's been some family drama going on. I feel like I'm in a sitcom. Week after week the family plods along doing the same ol' thing.
"Look at Billy, he's such a troublemaker, but we love him anyway!"
"Oh, isn't Sally the cutest little button of a girl you ever did see?"
Everything is stable, but stable isn't exciting and it doesn't bring in ratings.
So the producers get together in a meeting and discuss what they can do to get more viewers.
"Let's have the Fonz jump the Shark!"
"Hey, let's give little Sally Leukemia!"
"Let's make Billy a drug addict! He was just really good at hiding it from the family till now!"
Now all of a sudden I'm smack dab in the middle of all kinds of drama. People are confused, feelings are hurt, and I don't really know what to think of it. The funny thing is that when you get a bunch of people together and throw in some conflict, it's pretty much impossible to view anything objectively.
Everyone has a good reason for what they're doing. You can't take what people say at face value. This isn't necessarily because they're being purposefully deceitful. It's because most people don't understand why they do things. We cannot understand what's propelling us, so we give ourselves an answer.
I've talked to a number of people involved and I can see things from their perspective as it's been conveyed to me. I feel like there's so much underneath the surface that I just can't see and probably shouldn't see.
All I can do is stick around and lend an ear and perhaps a little bit of guidance. It's not a large part, but then again when it comes to acting in a sitcom there are no small parts either.
March 8th, 2010 - 13:46
Very insightful.
Your frustration is understandable. You confusion is normal.
The problem is that the people involved are confused. They have conflicts within the heart and within the mind and between the mind and the heart.
Life is messy and people are complicated.
Keep in mind three things: People are idiots, people are blind, and people are private.
We do dumb things without even knowing that they are dumb. I was joking the other day, that I should change my name to Federal Government: I try to go in and fix something that I don’t even understand. The fix creates a huge mess. My efforts to fix that mess makes things ten times worse.
Then there is the problem where I have personality quirks where I do and say things without the slightest clue how they are affecting other people. Then I go back to issue number one and try to fix it.
But the most important thing to understand with family dynamics is that it is very difficult because the people who are struggling still love each other and they love their friends and family.
That creates some difficulty. I would love to go into very minute details to help others understand what is going on. But I want to protect my kids from the stress of a situation that they can do nothing about.
More complicated is, that it is very difficult to talk to other people about the problem because you still love the person deeply and you don’t want to run him or her down. You don’t want to betray their secrets and you don’t want to criticize them behind their back.
The best advice that I can give young people is to remember that
1) life is messy.
2) People are stupid.
3) There are are three sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth. Take everything you hear with a grain of salt.
4) Don’t take ownership of the mess and don’t try to help without being asked.
5) Let them know how you are feeling and doing. Remind them that you love them. Let them know when you are angry or hurt.
6) Take initiative when you need to talk to them instead of waiting for them to call you. It is easy to put off calling people you love when you are struggling with a difficult problem.
7) Believe them when they tell you that you are loved.